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His body language was soft and unthreatening; I couldsee that he was trying to placate me, yet his manner was so charming that Icould feel myself being seduced. His eyes shone with passion. 'You'reclearly very excited by having sex with men. But you're used to relating toother men in competitive, male bonding environments. Let's face it you're apack leader, you're powerful, respected, you expect to be treated with adegree of deference to your authority... If I didn't know you as I do, I'ddismiss you as a macho shit head. Perhaps you need to get used to the ideathat whilst that might be important to your identity in the world, you alsohave another aspect to your identity that's about being more sexually...'He trailed off, unable to find the right word.'Passive?' Tom was smirking at me cheekily.I felt some of my disorientation slip away. They might have been forcing meto tackle difficult stuff, but they were both such warm, affectionate men,that I felt cared for by their calmness and. I hardly have any friends. I’m too quiet. Whatever.I had my head plunked against the cold bus window waiting for it to start banging me over and over again when the bus would start rolling. My brother sat down a few rows up, he didn’t even acknowledge me. He was deep in conversation with some boys about some boysuff.I sighed and stared at him. Would it kill him to be nice to me? It was then that I noticed he was staring out the window eyes fixed on something. I followed his gaze and saw he was staring at some of the soccer girls. There’s a lot of cross-over between the soccer girls and the cross country girls. But the ones that aren’t in cross country often run together before soccer season starts to keep their conditioning. I guess they caught his eye, because he was straight up staring. Not the kind of half-hearted glances at my legs, but straight up, jaw hanging open, hypnotized ogling.Spence, Rashmi, Celeste, I counted amongst them, the other 2 were probably juniors. Last year’s.
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